


One New Message

by PinkEasterEggs



Series: Message Alert [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Humor, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Social Media, Superfamily (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkEasterEggs/pseuds/PinkEasterEggs
Summary: Peter: ur an assassinPeter: teach me ur waysNat?: No.Peter: awh come onNat?: No.A look into Peter Stark's phone as he messages his family. Who just so happen to be the Avengers.





	One New Message

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/gifts).



> @evotter this is inspired by you-- everyone should check out their story, it's amazing

Peter: if one of my dads phone tell them i’m with u

Ned: Y

Peter: bc ned i need u 2 !!!!1111!!!!11!1

Ned: Y

Peter: i’m going out to do 

Peter: stuff

Ned: Spidey stuff?

Peter: well duh what other stuff

Ned: True me n mj r ur only friends 

Peter: NED??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!

—————————————

Dad: Why aren’t you answering your phone?

Dad: Ned says you’re at his but i want to hear it from you bud

Dad: Be home before 10 please

Dad: Peter, answer your goddamn phone

Dad: Alright that’s it, you’re grounded

—————————————

Pops: Peter, your father and I are getting worried. Where are you son?

Pops: It’s 10 past 10 Peter, your father asked for you to be home 10 minutes ago.

Peter: sorry pops i was at ned’s

Peter: i lost track of time

Pops: How long until your home?

Peter: walking into the elevator now!!!1111!!!

—————————————

Peter: am i really grounded

Dad: Yes

Peter: :(

Dad: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time

Peter: :(

—————————————

Peter: uncle rhodey pls tell dad he’s being unfair

Peter: i’m grounded for no reason

Peter: i’m not allowed out all weekend!

Peter: uncle rhodey i know you can see my messages

Peter: ur read receipt is turned on

Peter: omg uncle rhodey don’t turn the read receipts OFF now, i know you can see my texts !!

Peter: rude

————————————

ClintBarton: kid can you babysit for me last minute

Peter: i’m grounded :(

ClintBarton: sneak out

Peter: y r u encouraging bad behaviour 

ClintBarton: its date night, i need someone to watch the kids so i can show Laura a good time

Peter: okay first of all

Peter: ew

Peter: second of all

Peter: my dads will kill me 

ClintBarton: doesn’t ur pops go for an evening jog around this time and your dad is in his lab?

Peter: yeah so

ClintBarton: so sneak out

Peter: i really think that as a role model in my life u should take this more seriously

ClintBarton: i’ll pay you 20

Peter: 50

ClintBarton: 30

Peter: 100 no less

ClintBarton: this isn’t how negotiating works kid

Peter: ur telling me to sneak out when grounded 

Peter: its either 100 or no date night

ClintBarton: . . . fine

————————————

Pops: Peter, where are you?

————————————

Dad: I don’t think you understood the meaning of being grounded

————————————

Peter: i may have done something stupid

Ned: When don’t u

Ned: But what did u do

Ned: Was it worse than that time u put a metal fork in the microwave and it exploded

Peter: i thought we decided to never discuss that again ned

Ned: Momentary slip

Peter: hmm sure

Ned: But what did u do

Peter: i may have snuck out

Peter: whilst grounded

Peter: but for a good cause

Ned: Ur dead dude

Peter: i know

Peter: my dads keep texting and calling but what am i meant to say

Ned: What was the good cause

Peter: babysitting

Ned: ???????

Peter: i’m $100 richer tho

Peter: now i can get the new lego star wars !!!!!!!11111!!!!

Ned: Ur literally the son of a billionaire

Peter: shit

Peter: forgot that

————————————

Peter: can u tell clint he’s a prick

Nat???: What did he do.

Peter: he got me in trouble

Nat???: Sounds about right.

Peter: also

Peter: he never payed me the 100 i was worth

Peter: so now i’m extra grounded and poor

————————————

Peter: i’m guessing ur the reason i found 100 on my bed this morning

Peter: ur da best

Nat???: Don’t mention it.

Nat???: Maybe next time don’t do as Clint asks.

Peter: noted

————————————

Peter: FREEDOM

Ned: Are u no longer grounded??????

Peter: what else do u think freedom means

Ned: I thought u had a week to go???

Peter: i did but i begged to pops and he convinced dad

Peter: love that 

Ned: Come over

Ned: I have popcorn and Star Wars

Peter: say no more

————————————

BirdBoy: Oi u little shit i saw what u have my contact written down as

Peter: idk what u mean sam

BirdBoy: Ur such a little shit

————————————

MJ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fXNEPmYFhM

Peter: pls never send that to me again

Peter: wait

Peter: y did u send that to me

Peter: DO U KNOW???????

MJ: I do now dork

MJ: It was kinda obvious

Peter: shit

————————————

Peter: have u seen the film Ingrid Goes West

Wanda: No

Peter: u look just like the social influencer girl

Peter: *picture delivered*

Wanda: I don’t see it

Peter: u have got to be kidding me

————————————

Pops: Peter, son, please stop messaging Wanda about the actress from the film you watched last night. She complained to me about it. Give it a rest son.

Peter: but !!!! they !!! look !!!! identical !!!!!

————————————

Peter: Doesn’t Wanda look just like this girl?

Peter: *picture delivered*

Bucky: No

Peter: r u having a laugh

————————————

Dad: You want to come down and work in the lab tonight?

Peter: will dum-e be there?

Dad: Of course

Peter: Okay then  
Dad: Are you trying to say that you prefer a robot to me

Dad: A robot over your flesh and blood father

Peter: i never said that

Peter: but then i never DIDN’T say that either

Dad: You wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for me

Peter: what a shame that would be

Dad: Is that Gen Z humour again or do i need to call a child psychologist?

Peter: *gif of finger guns*

Peter: c u in 5

Dad: Lord help me

—————————————

BirdBoy: I know it was you

Peter: hmm?

BirdBoy: I know you were the one who put hair dye in my shampoo

Peter: what are you on about?

BirdBoy: I’m being serious u little shit

BirdBoy: My hair is bright pink Peter

Peter: y would u assume i did it???????

BirdBoy: Because i know you

Peter: is ur hair actually pink

BirdBoy: *picture received*

Peter: omggggggggg

Peter: i swear it wasn’t me

Peter: looks good tho

BirdBoy: I’m going to kill you

Peter: it wasn’t me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

————————————

Peter: it was me ahahahahahahaha

Ned: What?

————————————

Peter: do u have any pictures of Dad back at MIT

Uncle Rhodey: Yeah why?

Peter: his birthday is next week and i wanna put a picture of him on a cushion

Uncle Rhodey: Okay . . . Why a picture from MIT?

Peter: it has to be embarrassing

Uncle Rhodey: You know the point of a birthday present is to get something nice, right?

Peter: last year he posted a picture of baby me on Stark Industries official Instagram

Peter: i was practically nude

Uncle Rhodey: You had a diaper on don’t be dramatic

Peter: still

Peter: my classmates didn’t need to see that

Uncle Rhodey: Okay, i’ll look through my albums later for you 

Peter: ur da coolest

Uncle Rhodey: I know

—————————————

Peter: r u up

Ned: Just about

Ned: Why

Peter: Incoming

—————————————

Ned: Okay NEVER do that again

Ned: Seriously Peter

Ned: If you stumble through my bedroom window one more time when INJURED i swear i’ll call one of your dads

Peter: no u won’t 

Ned: Yeah i will

Ned: You can’t just come in BLEEDING everywhere and expect me to be fine

Peter: ur the best ned

Peter: thanks

Ned: Just don’t do it again

Peter: it’s not like i WANT to be stabbed ned

Ned: You should really tell ur dads Peter

Peter: is that a joke

Peter: no

Peter: they’d flip

—————————————

Bucky: If you put my metal arm on the fridge one more time i’m going to end you, kid

Peter: bucky :(

Bucky: It isn’t funny

Peter: Pops laughed

Bucky: . . . 

Bucky: He did?

Peter: well dad laughed and he tripped over which in turn made pops laugh

Peter: so like yeah

Bucky: How does that make sense?

Peter: butterfly effect

Bucky: Sometimes i honestly don’t know you can be Stevie’s son

Peter: the stark in me is overpowering

Bucky: Don’t we all know it

Peter: :(

—————————————

Peter: i know ur mad about the whole ‘metal arm on the fridge’ thing 

Peter: but can u not ever do that again

Bucky: Do what?

Peter: u know what

Bucky: All i did was pick you up from school like your Pops asked me to

Peter: pops didn’t ask for you to barge on in to my decathlon session

Peter: pops didn’t ask for you to YELL for the whole WORLD to hear that i had to hurry up and leave 

Peter: pops didn’t ask for you to GIVE ME LOTION AND SAY IT WAS FOR MY RASH

Peter: WHAT RASH

Peter: NOW MY DECATHLON CLASS THINKS I HAVE SOME BAD RASH

Bucky: I think we are both in an agreement now that the metal arm doesn’t belong on the fridge, correct?

—————————————

Peter: i don’t have a rash

Flash: sure penis

Cindy: :/

MJ: own it peter

Peter: I REALLY DON’T

Ned: Don’t feel embarrassed Pete

Abraham: what is going on

Betty: Can we end this conversation now

Peter: bucky was just joking

MJ: we believe u dork

MJ: don’t forget to rub the lotion in before and after a shower!!!! just like bucky said !!!!

Peter: i hate life

—————————————

Pops: Peter, regarding our conversation earlier: NO we are not putting Buck back in the ice. Stop suggesting it.

—————————————

Peter: ur an assassin

Peter: teach me ur ways

Nat???: No.

Peter: awh come on

Nat???: No.

—————————————

Wanda: Why did you have a bruise on your face when you came home?

Peter: idk i’m clumsy

Wanda: Peter

Wanda: Tell me now

Peter: geez wanda i literally used to walk into glass doors as a kid

Peter: there’s enough evidence to show im a klutz

Wanda: I’ll talk to your fathers if you don’t tell me

—————————————

Peter: i told wanda

Ned: Told her what

Peter: u know

Peter: about

Peter: the spidey thing

Ned: Oh 

Ned: How did she take it

Peter: i’m learning the sokovian language right now because half of what she said i didn’t understand 

—————————————

Peter: turns out

Peter: she called me a dumbass . . . like a hundred times

Ned: It’s a fair point

—————————————

Peter: i’m sorry

Peter: i didn’t realise the music was playing in your room as well as mine

Peter: it was an honest mistake

Wanda: Why the hell were you playing MILKSHAKE at 2 in the morning from the speakers????

Peter: . . . 

Peter: i don’t really have an excuse

—————————————

Peter: is water wet?

Pops: What?

Peter: water isn’t wet

Pops: What are you talking about? Yes, it is.

Peter: no its not water isn’t wet because water is wet but that means that the water can’t be wet

Peter: if you pour water into a bowl of water then it doesn’t make the water in the bowl wet

Peter: so therefore water can’t be wet

—————————————

BirdBoy: Stop texting ur Pops 

BirdBoy: We’re in the middle of a meeting and ur texts are making him have a meltdown

—————————————

Peter: y r u stalking me

Bucky: I’m not

Peter: bucky i can literally see you standing there across the street

Bucky: No you can’t

Peter: bucky we literally just made eye contact 

Bucky: Your Pops wanted me to keep an eye out for you

Peter: so u decided stalking me was the best way to do it?

Bucky: It isn’t stalking

Bucky: Its acute observation at a distance

Peter: stalker

—————————————

Peter: do u think if i ate a whole batch of cookie dough my spider powers would save me from salmonella?

Ned: Try it

—————————————

Ned: Did it work?

Peter: no

Peter: i won’t be in school tomorrow fyi

—————————————

Peter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_FyuyOzxEI

Pops: What is this?

—————————————

Dad: You can’t just send Pops a video Peter

Dad: He’s like 100 years old, he hardly knows how to text on his phone

—————————————

Peter: how come you could do THIS when u were a teen

Peter: but i can’t even LEAVE THE HOUSE AFTER 9 ??!?!?!?!

Peter: *screenshot of news article about Tony’s teenage exploits*

Dad: Because i’m a good parent

—————————————

ClintBarton: did u give cooper a stun gun

Peter: wait what

ClintBarton: you saw what i said

ClintBarton: what the hell Peter

—————————————

Peter: we all know it was you

Peter: its really sneaky that you blamed me

Nat???: This conversation is over.

—————————————

MJ: u have a fan

MJ: *screenshot delivered*

Peter: what the hell

MJ: Flash captioned the post ‘forever in love with spider-man [tongue sticking out emoji] we stan one (1) neighbourhood hero’

Peter: i need to bleach my eyes after this

Peter: y is he posing with one of those messed up ice creams

Peter: the ice cream doesn’t even look like me

Peter: *crying emoji*

—————————————

Peter: do u think ants have toenails 

Happy H: Did you seriously just ask me that?

Peter: i think it’s a valid question

—————————————

Peter: can you please tell Happy to unblock me Dad?

Peter: its important

—————————————

Happy H: What is it?

Peter: so the ant thing

Peter: do they even have TOES?????

—————————————

Peter: turn on channel 5 news

Peter: can u see me

Ned: ARE YOU TEXTING DURING A FIGHT

Peter: relax karen is doing the texting for me

Ned: What is that thing you’re fighting?

Peter: idk it looks like a giant lizard 

Peter: it's actually pretty strong

Peter: ew did you see that

Peter: it just spat all over me

Peter: excuse me whilst i gag

Ned: Are you sure you can handle this?

Ned: It looks like you’re struggling on the TV

Peter: Of course i’m fine Ne—

Ned: PETER

Ned: OMG R U OKAY

Ned: IT JUST STABBED YOU

Ned: GET UP PETER

Ned: PLEASE DON’T HATE ME FOR THIS

—————————————

Ned: Hey Peter, you awake yet?

Peter: i woke up like an hour ago

Ned: How do u feel  
Ned: Are u still hurt?

Ned: Do you hate me?

Peter: ned omg calm down

Peter: my head hurts a little but the wound is basically healed now

Peter: and no i don’t hate u wtf

Peter: u saved my life ned if my dads hadn’t come and saved my ass that lizard thing would’ve eaten me

Peter: probably

Peter: so thanks for calling them

Ned: I’m glad you’re okay

Ned: Are you in trouble

Peter: ohhhhhh yeahhhhh

—————————————

MJ: Are you better yet dork?

Peter: oh yeah physically i’m fine

Peter: mentally tho i’m a pit of despair

MJ: Don’t be so dramatic 

Peter: i think i’m being the right amount of dramatic considering i’m waiting for my death at the hands of Captain America and Iron Man aka 2 very pissed dads

MJ: Your parents won’t be that mad

Peter: have u met them

MJ: On second thought, it was nice knowing you

—————————————

Ned: Can i have your laptop when you die

Ned: You know . . . to remember u by

Ned: Peter this is serious

—————————————

Wanda: I told you that you should’ve told them

Peter: shut up

—————————————

BirdBoy: Well look at this

BirdBoy: The little shit became a vigilante 

Peter: i was literally stabbed yesterday

Peter: can we not

BirdBoy: You’re in so much trouble

Peter: *gif of a crying face*

—————————————

Nat???: Maybe i should teach you my assassin ways.

Peter: i want nothing more

Nat???: Judging by the footage from yesterday, you seriously don’t know how to fight.

Peter: i can fight !!!

Nat???: Not well.

Peter: rude

—————————————

Uncle Rhodey: I’m glad you’re okay kiddo, i’m going to pop by the hospital later to see you

Peter: yay uncle rhodey

Uncle Rhodey: I need to see my nephew one last time before your Dad locks you away until you’re older than Bucky

Peter: pls don’t joke about things that could be true

—————————————

Peter: okay

Peter: so dad yelled

Peter: a lot

Peter: and pops did his whole ‘i’m so disappointed in you thing’ 

Peter: BUT

Peter: I’M STILL ALLOWED TO BE SPIDER-MAN

Ned: Well that’s a plot twist

Peter: they’re going to monitor basically everything i do and i probably won’t even be able to hide a bruise from them anymore but i don’t even care

Ned: Who cares?? At least you can still be Spider-Man!!!

Ned: Wanna come over and celebrate later? GOT marathon and ice cream?

Ned: My mum brought more Hulk-A-Hulk-A Burning Fudge

Ned: No offence but the Stark Raving Hazelnuts just aren’t good dude

Peter: that sounds amazing

Peter: one problem

Peter: i’m grounded till i die

—————————————

Peter: i think grounding me till i die is a little harsh don’t u think

Dad: I think sneaking out each night to fight crime without telling anyone is a little stupid don’t you think

Peter: i told people !!!!!

Dad: Ned doesn’t count 

Peter: wanda knew!!!!!!

—————————————

Wanda: Snitches get stitches.

Peter: oh shit


End file.
